Hebrews 11:1

Why Does God Allow Hurt?

with 36 comments

Have you ever sat by and listened to a friend pout our their heart about the hurt they’ve endured and listen to them question why God would allow this? I’ve been blessed to have hurt in my life but minimal hurt – the kind you can easily chalk up to God building your character and strengthening your faith. Other Christians have had their faith rocked by hurt and Max Lucado does a great job of explaining where God is during this time in his book “Come Thirsty.” Check out the excerpt below:

Some find the thought impossible to accept. One dear woman did. After I shared these ideas in a public setting she asked to speak with me. Husband at her side, she related the story of her horrible childhood. First abused, then abandoned by her father. Unimaginable and undeserved hurt scar her early memories. Through tear-filled eyes she asked, “do you mean to tell me God was watching the whole time?”

The question vibrated in the room. I shifted in my chair and answered, “yes, he was. I don’t know why he allowed your hurt, but I do know this. He loves you and hurts with you.” She didn’t’ like the answer. But dare we say anything else? Dare we suggest that God dozed off? Abandoned his post? That heaven sees but can’t act? That our father is kind but not strong, or strong but doesn’t care?

I wish she could have spoken to Joseph. His brothers abused him, selling him into slavery. Was God watching? Yes. And our sovereign God used their rebellious hearts to save a nation from famine and the family of the Messiah from extinction. As Joseph told them, “God turned into good what you meant for evil” (Gen 50:20).

I wish she could have spoken to Lazarus. He grew deathly ill. When Jesus heard the news, he did nothing. Jesus waited until Lazarus was four-days dead in the grave. Why? “For the glory of God, so that the Son of God may be glorified by it” (John 11:4).

Best of all would have been a conversation with Jesus himself. He begged God for a different itinerary: a crossless death. From Gethsemane’s garden Christ pleaded for a plan B. Redemption with no nails. “Father, if you are willing, please take this cup of suffering away from me. YesI want your will, not mine.’ Then an angel from heaven appeared and strengthened him” (Luke 22:42-43).

Did God hear the prayer of his Son? Enough to send an angel. Did God spare his son from death? No. The glory of God outranked the comfort of Christ. So Christ suffered, and God’s grace was displayed and deployed.

Are you called to endure a Gethsemane season? Have you “been granted for Christ’s sake, not only to believe in Him, but also to suffer for his sake” (Phil 1:29 NSV)?

If so, then come thirsty and drink deeply from his lordship. He authors all itineraries. He knows what is best. No struggle will come your way apart from his purpose, presence, and permission. What encouragement this brings! You are never the victim of nature of the prey of fate. Chance is eliminated. You are more than a weather vane whipped about by the winds of fortune. Would God truly abandon you to the whims of drug-crazed thieves, greedy corporate raiders or evil leaders? Perish the thought!

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Written by Ryan

August 27, 2007 at 1:32 am

Posted in Books, Christian, Max Lucado

36 Responses

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  1. The fact that God allows some of us to hurt so much more deeply and greatly than others is certainly not an honor as this implies

    It is easy as this writer did to point out how noble it is to hurt for God’s sake when one is not in the hurting person’s shoes

    You should be ashamed of yourself for writing such a thing unless you have experienced great tragedy

    You truly know not of what you speak . . . quiet yourself

    Karen Vigil

    November 8, 2009 at 10:16 pm

    • So true. I don’t understand why it has to be so much hurt and pain in this life and God is watching and not blocking it.

      Sherry

      December 13, 2015 at 10:51 am

      • Hi Sherry,

        I think I have come to a place of understanding with that and will gladly share it with you now.

        1) God is in control over everything that He has created.
        2) However, God has placed in people’s hands control over themselves and their lives. This control is the result of free-will. We control ourselves and the objects we own.
        3) God placed natural consequences to occur when people do wrong or even just make mistakes. For example, if a homeowner attempts to cut down a tree and doesn’t know what s/he is doing, the tree could fall on the house.
        4) God very, very rarely interferes with the control He has given to people. Why? Because then it wouldn’t be free-will with natural consequences. Free will must have consequences both good and bad. If I do something good, then shouldn’t I receive a reward for doing it? If I do something bad, shouldn’t I also receive the reward of something bad?

        From these I believe you may see the narrative that takes place:
        Adam and Eve sinned (they chose, of free-will, poorly). This choice had natural consequences (consequences that happen by God’s design). 1) Sickness, 2) Death, 3) Pride, 4) Coveting, 5) Pain in child birth, 6) Fear – This is a biggie. 7) Weeds and difficulty growing food. 8) No access to the Tree of Life, 9) Pain (emotional, spiritual, physical)…and many more. All these consequences (ramifications) have carried through to us until today. But one of the biggest consequences of us does not occur to us in this life. The Bible says we are eternal creatures. It also speaks of eternal life and eternal death. When Adam and Eve sinned, they also passed on to us all eternal death.

        As a result of these consequences, people continue to sin. One of the worst ways is when another person attempts to control another. I’m not just talking about slavery. I’m talking about rape, abuse, sexual harassment, micro-manipulation, etc. All these are forms of control over another person. God never intended that we follow a leader blindly. Leadership is established by loving not power or rank or money.

        So what about Jesus? What did He do? Jesus gave us another choice…another free-will choice that also has consequences. Each of us may now choose to believe in the Lord Jesus Christ. By doing so, we are saved from eternal death. What is eternal death? Ultimately the word death simply means “separation”. So our physical death means that our spiritual selves (souls?) are separated from our bodies. Eternal death is separation from God. So name all the attributes that God provided us in the garden of Eden. Set that list on one side. Now on the other side, name the exact opposite. If one of those things was light…then the opposite is darkness. If you wrote down ability to garden, then write the opposite: No ability to garden. If you wrote down shameless (i.e. Adam and Eve had no shame)…then write shame and lots of it. Keep going through the list. One might be comfort….there will be no comfort when you are eternally dead. Another might be love. There will be no love when you are eternally dead. Keep going.

        So let’s say that you choose Jesus Christ as your Savior from eternal death. Then eternal death is something you no longer have to fear. But wait!…There’s more! 🙂 Now all things will work together for your good. Good is not about success in the world’s terms. You may actually lose a lot. But the good God speaks of is that which is important: love, kindness, gentleness, hopeful, trusting in God, joy, peace. These important things will be given to you as long as you ask, seek, knock on God’s door for Him. Because you are now a child of God and He will move Heaven and Earth to bring good to you. Again, that doesn’t mean you’ll be pulled out of the Earth and from the Earthly consequences of sin, but that those consequences will be for your good.

        Example: i was sexually harassed by a Federal Supervisor. She was only interested in control, but it resulted in me falling in love with her…this while I am married. So I turned to God and asked what in the world is going on. As soon as I realize this a whole series of events happened. I lost my job, my business, my clearance, my sanity and even my will to live. But as time as gone on I’ve gained so much. I gained the information that my Dad abused me as a baby. I realized that I had been manipulated all my life. I realized that my brother used me to start and continue his company. I realized that I have lived in fear and had a sense of worthlessness all my life. As I continued to seek God, I now realize that I’m worthy of His love and I accept myself as I am.

        Now I have become a light unto the world but I only show my light to those who ask the difficult questions. That light that is within me comes from my Savior and Lord. Jesus Christ. I hope this helps. Please feel free to ask questions. I think my Email is on this list somewhere. 🙂

        Nathan Solomon

        December 13, 2015 at 2:28 pm

    • Hi Karen. I don’t know if the Email address you provided still exists. But look down through the various entries. You’ll find my email. You’ll also see a bunch of entries from me. Read them. I think they will be helpful. If you have questions, Email me. I would be glad to try and help.

      Nathan Z. Solomon

      December 13, 2015 at 2:31 pm

    • Free will is a hoax. God knows EVERYTHING past, present and future. Therefore, He already knows EXACTLY what you will do and has eternity to work it out, but doesn’t. For free will to exist you MUST be able to surprise God. Since He already knows everything, you can NOT surprise HIm. Thus, free will does NOT exist. We are just actors playing our part in His grand drama. And some are heroes and some are the subject of the tragic story.

      Jeffrey Scott

      March 9, 2018 at 2:36 pm

      • Is free will a hoax even if God knows everything? To God, you’re right…there is no such thing free will because to Him, everything is done. It’s already done. Here’s a cool video to help you see how God sees time. Follow along with the exercise until the end and you’ll get a close idea of how God sees time:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=22WpuM6LauQ. This video agrees with your position. God does not see our will as free because He already knows what will happen.

        Here is another thing God does not do: Hope. Since God knows what will happen, there’s no need for Him to hope that something will happen. It will…just as He has always seen it from before the World began. God doesn’t get surprised either. “Oh my! What did Nathan just do? I didn’t expect that!” God doesn’t say those words…ever.

        However, God did not create the World and maybe even the Universe for Him. He didn’t need it. Which is another thing God never does…need.

        So, in your mind, try and think about your view of the World and time. To you, do you have a choice? Sometimes that choice is constrained…very constrained. Sometimes the choice feels like I can either kill myself or go through a horrible life…and yes, I have been there. But, ultimately, it’s still a choice. At certain points in almost every day, I look at my life and say, just like Job 3…I wish I never existed. But I exist. The only other alternative is to die…to commit suicide.

        Here are the reasons I don’t:
        1) I do have a family that needs me to stick around. Even though my kids have grown to some degree, they aren’t fully independent. So I should stick around.
        2) God doesn’t like quitters. If you do a search on Youtube for NDE (near death experience) Suicide, you will find that those who attempted suicide and God met with while their spirit was out of their body, He wasn’t particularly happy with them. It’s not that He didn’t love them. It’s just He knows they “chose poorly” (reference to Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade). They quit too soon. One of the things you’re going to find, as I have found is that life is not easy. For some, it is easier than others, but there are those of us for which life gets so hard that we just want to die. But God is asking us to trust Him through this. As “big” as that sounds, allow me to break it down a bit. God is asking you to remain in this moment. Just this moment. Then when the next moment comes, if you are still here, then God wants you here too. Be here. Just here. One of the biggest traps of people like us because of the pain we have suffered is to look at our past where the pain came from and project it into the future. It’s not that it’s not normal to do that. It is…very normal. But it hurts and just continues the cycle of pain for us, causes us to ruminate (think about negative thoughts repeatedly until we are very very depressed).
        3) My expectations were too high. When I was growing up, my Dad was successful. He had a good job, a house, two boys, a wife and decent income. In addition, he built additions on to his home and he created a Bible College and Institute and was a deacon, head deacon (Elder). So like most normal people and even most normal Christians, if God truly loves me, He will give me a decent life. I’m not talking wealth. I’m talking not too poor and not too rich, but stable. But that didn’t happen. So I did some reading in the Bible and found that God calls us to suffer. Heb 12:6 (disciplined, chastised), John 15 – if you’re His, what does He do? Pat you on the back and tell you what a wonderful person you are? Hope…He prunes us. Pruning sucks and it hurts…just like an amputation. But this God does because He loves us. I’ll get to how you can connect the dots from pain to love in a moment. But we’re now talking about expectation. Expectation is hope. Yep…same thing. But our hopes are not part of God’s known timeline for us. So…your job…and I can help a bit…is to realize that what you expected (hoped) for yourself is not what God knew would happen to you. So you need to let it go.
        4) Love is not just good feelings. We always equate good feelings with love and love is all about good feelings. But if you’re a parent, you know that’s not true. When you take your kids to the Drs. for a vaccine. It hurts, but you know it’s for their good. Heb. 12:6 and John 15 are just two sections where God says basically, I’m going to cause you pain for your good. Love…real love…is not about good feelings, but about what is best for us…even when it hurts. I can tell you this. As a result of all that I’ve lost, all the pain, sorrow, hurt, desire to kill myself, etc; I am not more loving to others, more empathetic, more understanding, more patient, more kind, etc. Believe me when I say, I wouldn’t wish my pain on anyone else and so I try to make the World a better place, as much as I can…by kindness. I will also, to my close friends, tell them that I think they are making a huge mistake if they chose X because friendship is more than just kissing and kindness Prov. 27:6.

        There’s a lot more I can tell you. But I’ll hold off. Find my Email address somewhere on here and write to me if you want more information. Suffice it to say that sometimes God will take us from a horrible low to a great high. But sometimes He simply allows us a bit of breathing room from the horrible low and that is where we remain for a while or for the rest of our lives.

        Nathan Z. Solomon

        March 12, 2018 at 1:38 pm

      • Well, Nathan, I have to say that your response is probably the first I’ve ever gotten that shows somebody “gets it”. Usually, you just hear the same old platitudes that either aren’t Biblical (not in the Bible) or aren’t helpful.

        Like you, I think, I stay alive not for myself, but for others. The problem I have is is that that is NOT the right reason to keep on living. Also, it means I sure as heck ain’t living for God. And personally, I think the story of Job shows that God is IMMORAL and MEAN. He sure must think a lot of Himself to think he can just **** with people’s lives and there isn’t a thing we can do about it. That’s just sick in the mind.

        As for trusting God, WHY? When I first accepted Jesus I gave Him complete trust unconditionally. And what did I get for that? Things got worse, which at the time I didn’t think was possible. And my philosophy is, I give you trust at the start, but if YOU destroy that trust, it becomes YOUR responsibility to earn it back. And God has done NOTHING to earn back my trust, so it isn’t happening.

        As for God not liking “quitters”, I don’t care. HE quit on me! So what He thinks just doesn’t really matter anymore. And besides, if we have free will in this “relationship”, then that’s our choice and who cares what He thinks? I did NOT ask to be born. I had NO choice in that, but I have to live with the suffering that comes with that? Don’t talk to me about God being fair or loving. Had I been given the choice, I wouldn’t have said no, I’d have said HELL NO!.

        As for expectations, I’m like you, I expected FAR too much from God. I expected Him to be good, loving, fair, kind, helpful and protective. My mistake! And, though I’m not sure this is what you meant, you said “Expectation is hope”. So, since I no longer have ANY expectations, I no longer have hope either. The pain of expectations being disappointed time after time after time is just too much.

        As for God having to sometimes hurt us to protect us, b*******. As a parent, if I KNOW that my child will ride their bike out onto a freeway and into the path of a semi and don’t do anything about it, how is that protecting my child? I’d go to jail for negligence. He KNOWS, but does NOTHING! That is NOT, NOT, NOT, NOT, NOT love! That’s deflecting responsibility for what you created. People say the pot (us) has no right to judge the potter. But, I say we absolutely do. If I’m the potter and create an imperfect pot, one with holes, so it leaks, is that the pot’s fault? But we hold God to a different standard? I don’t think so.

        And how can God be “good” if He KNOWS that what he puts in my path makes me a WORSE person? How can I “carry the Gospel to the world” when faith made me worse, not better? Why would I bring that misery to others?

        And I am SO TIRED of hearing “God turns all for good”. That is the biggest lie of them all. Some stuff is just crap and will never smell like anything else. God has NEVER brought anything good from my suffering or tragedies. NEVER! There will NEVER be good come from my experiences because a seed can only produce it’s own. By His own requirements, a “crap” seed can NEVER grow into a “good” seed. That’s HIS law.

        He doesn’t care about us. His word says He will leave the 99 sheep to find the 1 lost sheep. But He’s never come after me. All He cares about is His precious plan, which is an absurd and unsupportable plan. Believing otherwise is just closing our eyes to reality.

        But I appreciate the opportunity to vent to someone who doesn’t just condemn me to hell for “blasphemy”.

        Jeffrey Scott

        March 17, 2018 at 6:55 pm

      • Starting that the bottom paragraph of your reply, No, I will never rebuke or condemn you in any way. We are all human. If I did that, I would be trying to get the splinter out of your eye, while having a log in my own.

        This is going to take some time for you to work through and I can certainly help you to some degree. But I would also recommend a counselor who has excellent biblical knowledge, but also has an emotional component. My counselor used to tell me he would see men in seminary who were simply “brains on a stick” (i.e no heart). If you do try to get a counselor, know that it may take you several tries to find a good one…one that fits you. I remember going to a counselor who called herself a Christian, only to find out that she used the term defined as Non-Jew, Non-Hindu, Non-Islamic, etc; so by default she was a Christian. But she didn’t know one thing about the Bible.

        The stories for Job and Joseph (especially the first parts), echo our lives. Too many times I’ve held to Job 3 (I wish I were never born). I can tell you after talking with my counselor for 7 years, that the feelings you are having, the understanding that seems so confusion now to you, is normal for those of us who have been through our upbringing the way we have. I’m just saying that people (especially guys) like us have gone through some common stuff where we’ve been brought to this point.

        I can tell you I made the very same declarations and for a time, drew the very same conclusions: God doesn’t care or God doesn’t exist or what is the “good” that God is speaking about in Rom 8:28 when all I have felt is pain, sorrow, loss?

        It took me a long while to understand God and why our lives generally speaking, suck. I’ll gladly share what I know. But like on The Matrix, “I can show you the door, but you’re the one who needs to walk through it”. So don’t just accept what I say as “fact”. Evaluate it. Talk it over with yourself and others and see if it fits your situation. Ask questions of me and of those around you who you trust. I call these people who are trustworthy, “non-toxic” or “safe”.

        Bless your heart (and I use that as a blessing, not a statement made before I’m about to put you down like some Southerners do), I truly sympathize with you.

        Your model of trust is correct. You should certainly give some small amount of trust to start any relationship and then if they fail you, then they have broken that trust and you should never trust them again.

        So far…all of the above has nothing truly “wise” or asks you in any way to change who you are or what you’re thinking.

        So, what I’d like from you, is your permission to try and speak into your life before I start to spout off “this, that and the other thing”. If you just want to vent, I totally understand that. Usually it was while I vented to myself or my wife or someone else that I “got” something. Just let me know that you just need to vent and I’ll gladly simply respond with “I understand” or “Yep…same as me”…responses. Just let me know how I can help you.

        One thing I will offer is a question: Why does God allow such horror in our lives, such loss, such pain? Could it be that it’s meant to cause us to do exactly what we did and are doing? Questioning God, asking the hard questions? Trying to understand who He really is? Why things aren’t the way they should be when God has all this power? Sorry…that’s lots of questions. 🙂

        As I mentioned, my Email is somewhere on this page and I leave it up to you as to which way you want to communicate with me: Email or via this WordPress discussion. Either way is fine with me.

        Allow me to say that while going through what I went through and the end results, I now understand that God allowed all this pain, loss, hurt in my life for some important reasons. One of those reasons was to allow me to choose (from my perspective) my response: to become an atheist or not; to allow God back into my life or not; to choose to obey God even though God didn’t seem like He was following His own laws. You, sir, are now walking through the valley of the shadow of death. When David says, “but fear no evil for You are with me.” That’s not a statement I take as “Gee…I’m proudly walking through the valley of the shadow of death because God is with me”, I interpret that as, “I’m walking through the valley of the shadow of death and I’m afraid. I’m afraid that I will attempt to take my own life. I’m afraid that I will lose my mind. I’m afraid!! But…after I am finished walking through this horrible place, I will realize that I had nothing to fear because even though I didn’t know it at the time, I now know You (God) were with me.”. That’s how I read that.

        I highly recommend reading Psalms 77 and 88. 88:15, at the age of 12, I wanted to die, to be destroyed and since then I have repeatedly wanted to be destroyed…to have my life end. I have good days and bad ones.

        Funny?…definitely stupid story: I was feeling suicidal and so I called the suicide hot line. The lady on the other end didn’t know what to do with me. I had to tell her that I would contact my wife and have her come home to help me through this. So they don’t always have the answers. You may want to see a Psychiatrist. If you do, know that it will take anywhere from 1 – 2 years to get your meds right and during that time you may have reactions to the meds…where you not only want to just run away, but kill someone and yourself. So…just be aware of the things you will go through if you choose that path. I am, however, more stable now. So was it worth it? I can only say, I made the best choice and followed through.

        I do have a lot to share with you, about my life. I don’t mind telling the whole world about what I’ve gone through. I really don’t care anymore. I’m not out to impress anyone anymore. I’m tired of wearing masks.

        Speaking of masks, there may be one video that may help you. I had to watch it 30 times before I got it. But it was really helpful for me and helped me take one step in a good direction: “TrueFaced: Two Roads Message”. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rfy03PEVUhQ. I hope you find it both entertaining and enlightening.

        If you do allow me to speak into your life, I can help you see God, not as a non-acting, liar. The way I will do that is to show you how all the scriptures come together in a way that was never correctly taught to me. I was told, “if you’re obedient to God. He will prosper you. You will have a good life.” I will show you that it’s no longer the case in the New Testament. So, this is part of what I will share with you.

        Take care Jeffrey.

        Nathan Z. Solomon

        March 17, 2018 at 7:47 pm

      • As angry as I am at God, I never refuse help from those willing to offer. One of my best friends is the wife of the pastor at the one church where for a while God pretended to be close to me. She knows where I’m at and understands my feelings with no judgment. Unfortunately, she moved several hundred miles away and only comes back occasionally.

        Personally, I don’t believe there is even one justification for what God does in our lives, or at least my life. My entire family lives literally the perfect American dream with wealth, happiness, security and even some fame. I actually started out with more things going for me than any of the others. My father is one of the top 10 in the world in his field of medicine, literally edited the textbook used in medical schools in that discipline, has traveled to countries too many count and has at least 1 building named after him and my test scores and grades were BETTER than his. I could do things with numbers in my mind that literally amazed people. But 40 years ago he destroyed it all and never gave it back. As for that losing your mind thing, yeah, I’ve done that twice. Psychiatrists? Try 2 stays in psychiatric institutions. It’s so bad that my family nervously laughs that if something bad happens in our family we must be talking about Jeff. Don’t you think 40 years is more than enough time to give God a chance to do the right thing?

        The problem with Christian counselors and psychiatrists (and about every medication you can think of) is they can’t solve the fundamental problem: that this is personal between me and God. Using them to “speak” to me reminds me of that junior high game where you had friends be the go-between between you and the girl you liked. It’s silly. At some point, if it is to be a RELATIONSHIP, which is what God says He wants, you have to cut out the middleman and deal direct. I no longer read the Bible because even God can say ANYTHING, but that doesn’t make it true. What makes it true is the action that follows. As I put it, even God has to put up or shut up.

        But you’ve got a serious challenge ahead of you. I do NOT believe there is ANY reason that makes the suffering I’ve gone through acceptable or defensible. There is NOTHING He can EVER do that will make up for the things I’ve had to endure. He could make me twice as “perfect” as Job and I would still say it does NOT make up for what you did to me over the last 40 years. Heaven? Why would I want to spend eternity with a God who gave me a life I wouldn’t even wish on Satan?

        If God was “with me”, He would NEVER have done this to me. Since He knows everything He knows exactly how I would react to his negligence, but now holds it against me because I won’t just accept it and praise God in it? Seriously? Unlike you though, I do NOT have good days. My single greatest prayer every day is that Jesus comes back today or that our leaders blow up the world so that it can end.

        And I’m not sure what email address you’re referring to. I just hit the reply button at the bottom of the page. If there is something else, let me know.

        Jeffrey Scott

        March 17, 2018 at 9:57 pm

      • My Email is snowflake0446@icloud.com. As you are probably aware, as you reply via this method, everything you say gets posted on a webpage…the webpage where you originally found. So if you don’t mind everything you write being posted, I have no problem with it either. 🙂

        One thing for us both to understand is that text, Email, etc; are all part of written communication. It turns out that only 7% of what we attempt to communicate goes through the written word. The rest: hand gestures, body language, voice inflection are all part of communication, but are not available via the written word. That said, there may me a sentence or paragraph that I write to you that may sound negative or upsetting to you. If/when that happens, please just ask me to clarify. I assure you, having gone through and still going through what you are dealing with, I have no desire to in any way, shape or form, create a negative environment for you.

        There will be no judgement on my part.

        We are both part of the “black sheep” club. No matter what negative thing happened in our family…it was my fault.

        For me, the age that everything fell apart for me was 50. But as I think I mentioned, I’ve been suicidal most of my life. Looking back, I wanted to be a Doctor. As I’ve spoken with my current GPs, they said that I could have become a doctor. I always wanted to be a GP. But the abuse I went through left me afraid of everyone and the feeling of worthlessness. I’m now 57 and I can tell you that I will never be a Doctor, even though I truly believe that I could have been a good one, helping people, loving people, being there for them.

        I can also tell you, Jeff (I take it you prefer being called Jeff so let me know if that’s not the case), that most horribly depressed people are people with high IQs…very intelligent. I think that’s what gets us into trouble. We know some stuff and think through things and then we realize that something doesn’t make sense. We travel down the rabbit hole and end up in a place too difficult for us to get ourselves out. But I will tell you this: If you can find your way out from here and begin the journey out of the rabbit hole, then you will be able to help others, as I am now helping you.

        Just to be transparent, I’m not a counselor. I’m not certified in the field. I can say that for 7+ years, I’ve been under counseling by 6 different counselors so I will endeavor to provide you with responses that emulate what I received. I’m sure I won’t get it right all the time. So again, please let me know if I fail.

        I really like the goal you have…to connect directly with God and have God directly respond to you. That, in my opinion, is the way the Christian life should be…no middle man. For me, my counselor (his name is Bob and so I may refer to Bob as opposed to using “my counselor”), didn’t act as a go-between. But what he did was help me make the connection between God and I. After that, he would step out of the way. He provided me with lots of books to read so that I could see another point of view.

        I, too, have been to a “Stabilization Ward” and didn’t find much there that helped me. However, dealing with my Psychiatrist on an out-patient basis, has helped…but it has taken several years to get the various meds correct. As you may know, as you see a Psychiatrist, your body changes and so sometimes the meds must change…so things constantly change for me and my meds. 🙂

        I have a friend in Florida who I’ve been corresponding with for over 7 years now and I can tell you, not a full month goes by when one of us doesn’t say to the other, “I wish the world would just blow up or end” or “I just want my life to end.” I fully understand the significants and the weight of those words and I take them seriously.

        Since the 6th grade when I received Jesus as my Savior and Lord over my life, I’ve done everything I can to be obedient to Him and His Word. I have committed no major sins. Yet, I lost a lot by doing what God wanted me to do…a $250K contract…gone because I wouldn’t lie. It’s not who I am. I will not sin just because I’m hurt or have something wonderful to gain. I do my very best to do what is right and yet, just as you have said, “If God was “with me”, He would NEVER have done this to me. Since He knows everything He knows exactly how I would react to his negligence, but now holds it against me because I won’t just accept it and praise God in it?” At 50, I lost a lot of what I had gained: My job, my business, my savings, my retirement, my sanity, but I ‘gained’ [sarcasm] a lot of horrible emotions, suicidal ideation, major depression, etc. So, like you, I asked God, “Why?”; “What did I do that deserved this?”; “Did I screw up?”; “Maybe I did and just don’t know it so I deserve this.”…and on and on.

        I will walk with you on this journey. But you will lead the way. I will make recommendations and suggestions and have questions, but you will be the one who will guide us. Believe it or not, you have a lot of work ahead of you. But as the saying goes, “The journey of 1000 miles begins with one step”. So you take one step at a time and I will take a step with you. If you step back, I, too, will step back. I won’t in any way be disappointed with you on your bad days, though I will tend to commend you on your good days. Believe me, I’ve had so many bad days and beaten myself over the head with a Bible sufficiently to have “Holy Bible” imprinted on my head. 😀

        It’s a good prayer to have that Jesus will come back soon. I truly believe He will. I truly hope that it’s within my life time. But I also know many before me have hoped the same thing and despite their “hope”, they died before Jesus came. So I’m also realistic in that I know it may not happen in my life times.

        I know that Joy Behar enjoyed making fun of VP Pence when she joked about him hearing from God. But I also know that I have heard from God in multiple ways. The are few and far apart and even after they happen, I still feel depression because as wondrous and full of awe (awful) as they are, my nature, propensity, etc; is to hold on to the negative and not remember the positive. I think everyone has that nature to some degree or another. For me, this propensity comes from my upbringing. But just know, that God will, when you are ready, speak to you. He will do so via the Bible. He will do so audibly. He will do so by dreams. He will do so by what I call “bursts” which is where all of a sudden, you quickly come to a conclusion based on Bible verses and you realize that there was no way you could have ascertained this conclusion without some sort of divine help.

        One thing that helps me from time to time is to listen to Youtube videos on near death experiences. These are not the: “Get the thrill by almost dying” ones. The ones I’m referring to are ones where people are confirmed dead by doctors and even end up in morgues and they have a life-changing experience. I’m not a huge Pat Robertson fan, but the CBN videos are relatively well made and take you through the stories these people are sharing. There are so many Doctors, PhDs who have gone through this and they, especially the Doctors who experience it know it’s not just dreams as a result of hypoxia. Many of them will say that when they saw God/Jesus, they felt this overwhelming sense of love. I wish I could feel that.

        I have so much more I could share with you…but I’ll leave you with this for now. Have a good day Jeff. Know you are not alone in your travels and you are not alone in how you feel and how God has treated you.

        Nathan Z. Solomon

        March 18, 2018 at 7:13 am

  2. One follow up question – when God allows this hurt for a purpose with his permission, what do you do when you can’t find that purpose? What do you do when you’ve given everything to God and He’s taken it all, but there has been no growth (spiritually, emotionally, etc) in you or anybody else? What then was the purpose of the pain and how can you reconcile an image of a loving God to a purposeless pain?

    Tiffany

    March 15, 2010 at 12:28 pm

    • You have no idea how much I relate to your post… My thoughts and my life are exactly where you are. Does God care? Maybe… but, where is God and Him acting on answering our issues in life. Trust me… I do understand… Where is this one that is so worshiped and adored by millions…? What good is He if He does nothing for us…
      For instance.. I love and care about my little girl (daughter) but what good would I be if I never did anything for her… no matter hlw much she begged.

      Ron

      June 13, 2013 at 11:51 am

  3. You are absolutely right, Tiffany. Nothing has changed. No one around me has even noticed or cared. I have found no great purpose to have had more tragic losses than others, except that I am suffering more. What is the purpose of that?

    Karen Vigil

    February 10, 2011 at 6:13 pm

  4. I’m in the same boat Karen. I’ve suffered so much more than my siblings have. Everything I’ve tried to improve myself has failed miserably no matter how hard I try. out of 4 children I’m the only one to develop alcoholism (I’m off the booze for almost 2 yrs. now). Out of 4 children I’ve still not found a life mate, and I continually get blocked at all times for advancement in my profession when the other 3 advance regularly. I’m tormented at all times with bad thoughts and have turned to God on everything with no help in sight. I’m so lost I’m not sure what to think anymore

    Gary

    July 26, 2011 at 4:02 am

    • Hi Gary. I, too, am a recovered alcoholic (since July 1999). Unlike you, I am an only child. However, I suffered much physical and emotional abuse at the hand of my parents, which, in turn, led me down the road to ruin.

      By taking the 12-Steps of recovery as suggested in the book Alcoholics Anonymous, I learned much about myself. I underwent a change of heart. A transformation of thought and attitude took place and I learned that I am spiritually sick when all I think about is myself and my circumstances. I thought I needed this, that, and the other thing to be happy and at peace in this world. To coin an old song, I was looking for love (acceptance) in all the wrong places and I was blaming everyone and everything for my unhappiness. I could only see things from my perspective. How vain and self-centered is that? Me thinking I know better than God.

      When I learned to accept life as it is, my perspective of God and the people around me changed completely. I learned that it is in the giving, not the taking, that I can find true peace and happiness. When I strive to help others instead of helping myself, I can see that my life has purpose and value, and I am no longer feeling sorry for myself because I am no longer self-centered, but God-centered. When my greatest desire lined up with my greatest need, then I began to truly live. For it was in this recovery process that I learned that my greatest need, is my need for God. Today my greatest desire is my desire to know and serve Him, for without him, I have no life.

      Karl D Rhoads

      October 2, 2011 at 10:26 am

    • Gary,

      Your circumstances are eerily similar to those of my x boyfriend. It’s uncanny really. When he stopped drinking for almost 2 years prior to my meeting him, he though that was the end of the story. What he did not realize (similar to where you seem stuck) is that the alcohol was a (wrong) solution to his problems, not the problem itself.

      He measures his value and happiness the way you seem to here- career, marriage, etc. and he compared himself to everyone- and always fell short in his own mind.

      The reason it seemed there was “no help in sight” was because he was still trying to control the world and using ‘alcoholic thinking” as the standard. God has different standards and they have nothing to do with money, career advancement for prestige/ultimate source of happiness…

      He could not understand why he had problems with women (he said women are bad, entitled, only out to take his freedom and money away – you have said none of that – that’s him) and could not figure out why HE was being deprived of a good relationship with a Godly woman. HIS thinking created his reality. In truth, he is emotionally abusive, selfish, entitled, judgmental and violent at times, drives drunk, gets arrested and has no remorse, empathy and a lack of gratitude that he didn’t kill or hurt anyone.

      however, he feels that a relationship partner will solve all of his problems because that’s what “everyone else has”. he destroys whatever he touches without help from anyone else and blames everyone else – because he is using the wrong yardstick.

      That’s HIM, not necessarily you. my point is this- many times we think we are ‘turning to God” but what we really are doing is asking God to do what we want him to do, instead of doing what he asks us to do in our own best interest. many times we measure ourselves brutally against worldly values and envy/covet what others have, as if those things were right for us and we are somehow being deprived. We all get what God knows we are ready for. Sometimes that means painful and heartbreaking lessons.

      If I could say one thing to my x, it would be this: I pray for you everyday that God continues to touch you. I pray for the spiritual strongholds that plague and torment you will go to the foot of the cross to be judged by the authority of Jesus Christ. I pray that you will cease to torture yourself with untrue standards and live in the grace and freedom of God, who does not judge you the way you judge yourself. He judges fairly. I pray you find salvation because God judges the heart, and his judgment can result in eternal separation from him. I fear that for myself and everyone I love. I pray for God to touch us all. In Jesus name. Amen.

      bunny

      August 24, 2012 at 12:39 pm

  5. I have had great hurts thats why i came searching to the reason why God allows hurts and what he says about it. I try to remind myself that this world is ridden with sin but i never understood why some people are blessed more than others and sometimes the really good ones who really strive to follow are the ones who have the toughest route to follow. Its New Years Eve and I am trying to let go of an abusive spouse who has been nothing more to my kids and myself as a joy taker….But its for better or worse right. SAD

    Brittny

    December 31, 2011 at 10:57 am

    • Hi Brittny. I am so sorry for all that you are going through. As I was reading what you wrote, something that the Christ said came to mind, so I looked it up so that I might share it with you. I pray that you will find this encouraging and that you will continue to seek his guidance and comfort as you walk through your time of tribulation.

      “I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.” –John 16:33 ESV

      Karl D Rhoads

      December 31, 2011 at 12:28 pm

      • Thanks for that scripture statement. He overcame the world by completing his task which was ultimately a worldy death that all of us must take on one point or another to gain the true prize. Don’t get me wrong or anything but i read your story about how you suffered emotional abuse at the hands of your parents and i saw that you took a very good route of dealing with it. However, you said learned how to take life the way it is I kinnda grew sad….. I help out everyone when i can and still am abandoned and left in troubling situations. And Yes God is there but it would be nice to have a companion with you there to endure some of the troubles and not leave you when its no longer beneficial to them to stick around… Self centered thoughts.. Somewhat but ultimately how can you be happy if you are constantly caused pain by something or someone else?

        Brittny

        December 31, 2011 at 1:02 pm

    • I realize this is almost 4 years later. I wish I could tell you why God allows this. My Dad, my abuser, was a successful person, had a large home, deacon/head deacon, founder of a Christian college and institute, honorary Doctorate, God also blessed him with the Federal Government giving him both CSRS and Social Security for his retirement. Me? I have no retirement. My house is about to be in foreclosure, I have no job and my sanity is suspect, at best. Why the difference especially when all my life I’ve only asked for God’s will, to do what He wanted?

      I can say that through all the suffering my wife, my children and I have been through, I’ve learned what suffering truly means. As a result the Scriptures light up. They have new meaning. When in Romans Paul says that we groan in pain…I totally understand pain. Another benefit is that I’m able to relate to you to some degree. Interestingly, your post is 3 months after I left my job due to sexual harassment by a Federal Supervisor. I have become more loving and gentle to others. I have become more patient with both myself and others. I would say that I’m at less peace and joy seems to be non-existent. I seriously contemplate suicide at least once a month. But I’m still here. I fuss and argue and cry out “Why have you forsaken me God?”, “What did I do to deserve this?” All I can come up with is the Blind man from John 9, who was born that way.

      In Mark 10:29-31 – This is a SAD life and I remain here only because God said I should. But there are repeated days where I think, “Wouldn’t it be easier on my wife and kids not to have me around?” So for me, the adage “Life sucks and then you die” seems to be true. All my life I’ve been abused or harassed by someone or that abuse/harassment has cost me all that I have. I just keep hoping, but just barely, that God has a plan and that it will result in good for me…not just the fruit of the Spirit as I’ve stated above, but in real mental health, restoration. But for some reason, I don’t think so…and I honestly don’t know why. I’ve asked my counselor, my mentor, what did I do to deserve this? They really can’t come up with anything substantial. I’ve made my mistakes, but they weren’t deliberate. They were based on fear and worthlessness from abuse. What do you do with that?

      I stupidly reached out to the girl mentioned below, Patty, on Facebook. Huge mistake. She blocked me when all I did was offered her the chance to read what was happening in my life. This, 25 years later. I need to lower my expectations of life and of God…and that’s a shame.

      Nathan Z. Solomon

      October 5, 2015 at 11:35 pm

      • Just when i am up in a rut battling the same battle in my life. I receive ur post. Came in at the right time especially since i had given up.i am still fighting a losing battle. Im broken but not defeated. I am reminding myself over and over again just like the sun rises and sets this shall pass too. I just dont know when. All i know is that im still here and suffered more losses since that post i made i loss my child and my dog both to death in this situation. My job and my place to stay with my cars were lost as well just to try to rebuild again. With the abuse at hand. Broken blood vessels in my eye and death is still knocking at my door. I just hope it passes soon

        brittnybliss

        October 6, 2015 at 12:09 am

      • Thank you Brittnybliss for the update. Thank you for reading my posts. I’m truly sorry for your loss and cannot imagine the pain and sorrow you’re dealing with. I read in the Bible that God is a God of restoration. I also know that sometimes hope is something that’s too difficult to hold on to. I’ve learned that it’s OK to let it go for a while and then pick it up when you’re strong enough.

        Another thing is that God, in most cases, seems interweave our life fixes into time itself.

        One more item, God seems to bless those He chooses and doesn’t bless those He chooses not to. One reason for that is so that we can empathize with others who have suffered similarly. There is also a need within each of us, as part of our healing, to reach out to those who are fellow-sufferers and this helps to heal us as well.

        “My ways are higher than your ways. My thoughts are higher than your thoughts.” I can only hope (when I’m able) that for you and I and for all those who have suffered and are suffering that there’s not only an end to the suffering, but full restoration and then some. Take care Brittnybliss. 🙂

        Nathan Z. Solomon

        October 6, 2015 at 3:13 pm

      • Thank you for your uplifiting thoughts 😉 I really needed them I didn’t know they put my first and middle name on my reply back but oh well. I have to agree that I have been able to understand others more as I have gone through losing a child and going through bankrupcy along with a heep of other things. I’m just glad your message came in when it did because I honestly had given up and I felt like there was no hope. Now I feel better than i did. THANK YOU SOOOO VERY MUCH!!!!

        brittnybliss

        October 6, 2015 at 3:53 pm

      • If any of you wish, you can contact me at snowflake0446@icloud.com. I’m not perfect, I’m down a lot. But I’m here…a person who has been through some of what you’ve gone through.

        Nathan Z Solomon

        October 11, 2015 at 12:16 pm

      • http://www.preaching.com/sermons/11550487/

        This link helped me a lot. You’ll see some Disqus entries. Mine are called “Snowflake0446”. On page 9, you’ll see me being very angry, but then the reply comes 15 hours later, “Thy will be done”. It takes awhile to finally say to yourself, “I’m going to trust God no matter what has happened to me.” I highly recommend it to my fellow suffers..especially when the suffering comes from those we trusted.

        Nathan Z Solomon

        October 17, 2015 at 2:50 pm

      • You always seem to bring a answer when I need it the most once again. Same situation baffled me as I am to be induced to give birth to my daughter tommorow and I am hit in the most awful way by her father my spouse and told how I am nothing and that he hopes i die in the delivery room. Those words hit to the core. I helped this man with all I had just to be called out my name and betrayed.I Felt like being a jerk myself since I can call the shots in what goes on with me and excluding him from the birth of our daughter and sticking it to him where it would hurt him. But what would I gain from it? Nothing I would gain nothing from it. then when you said your reply was on page 9 I found this saying on the top Love . . .
        ordains every struggle to strengthen us,
        lights every furnace to purify us,
        mingles every bitter cup to heal us. then I started to think and I felt better along with your post on the page as well. Thanks

        brittnybliss

        October 17, 2015 at 3:15 pm

      • I found the answer for me when I needed it the most. Now I’m just helping others as I can…because that’s part of why we are here. I need to do this and I very much appreciate your response that I am helping in some small way. I will pray that your delivery is easy, your daughter healthy, and that God transforms your spouse’s heart. When your delivery is complete, my sincere hope is that her Apgar scores are 9 and 10. 🙂

        Nathan Z Solomon

        October 17, 2015 at 7:18 pm

      • Thanks and I will let you know all is well once I deliver her.

        brittnybliss

        October 17, 2015 at 9:26 pm

  6. It’s very dangerous to be a fatalist, meaning for everything there is a purpose. I too have suffered horrific abuse at the hand of wicked people, both godless “unsaved” and from two-faced “church people”. Man was created with a free will. We, Adam’s descendants still have free wills. We can use these free wills we possess to do great good or great evil. Sometimes terrible horrific things happen “just because”. I know as a young boy sexual molestation, torture, neglect and a plethora of other abuses. I lost a child, I watched my father drown when I was a boy and I was thrown to the wolves by my mother.
    I’m a grandfather 9 times over today. I don’t know how I made it this far. What I do know is that God allows the innocent to suffer. He will one day make it right in His time. That’s the hard part is the waiting. God is not bound by time.
    I think Max would be less prone to pontificate on his lofty words on suffering if he really knew suffering. I think he could do more good if he took up needle point.

    Don

    June 2, 2014 at 8:07 pm

  7. Allow me to offer what has helped me…but first, some background: Physically abused as a baby (cried too much according to my Dad), emotionally abused by both parents, the ever-loving Church certainly helped by making sure I wore my mask of “righteousness” to church every day as well as at home. I fell in love with a girl named Patty in 1978 praying that I would marry her some day. After 12 years of seeing her on and off and being so ashamed of myself that I pushed her away, I tried again in 1990. But that ended in disaster and the final break-up. That was bad enough. But then God calls me to pray for her in late Oct 2004 which sends me into examination mode…WHY GOD? My brother later stole a contract from me and my Dad chose his side. After 8 years of not speaking to my Dad, I attempted reconciliation. My mom stopped that. My Dad died. I was sexually harassed by my Federal Supervisor, etc. In 2011 Aug, I totally broke. I couldn’t go on anymore. I had been seeing a counselor, but it wasn’t helping. My first Psych asked me, “Are you nuts?” when I offered him the same solution my next counselor and I talked about and agreed on. By Oct 2012, I attempted suicide. While in the Psych ward, I helped people there to the point where the Psych there thanked me for being there and the Social worker was just baffled by not only my ability to adjust, but to help others. Still jobless, my business “Anastasys, LLC” is gone, I’ve gone through all my retirement money, I now have 3 choices: Deed in lieu of foreclosure, Short-sale, or Foreclosure. We are on food stamps and have received energy assistance.

    Some of my (your) questions: Where is God? Why did He allow this? Where did I go wrong? What did I do to deserve this much pain, especially as a child?

    Now, let’s get to the real deal: Many of you are correct in that it’s easy to say some of the things the article points out. So here’s what I’ve come up with. I hope it helps:
    1) Never compare yourself or your journey with another person. As soon as you do you will either feel worse because you are worse off or better off than they are. Either way, you lose. In addition, you can’t know their inner self. As a result, you’re comparing your inner self (that you know so well), to their outer selves where they project their best. Don’t do it.
    2) You seek justice, but there is no justice: In truth, we hope, somehow that the Sowing/Reaping or Karma “law” comes about. But as I’ve read through the New Testament, what I see is that the righteous suffer. I see no where that Jesus makes us “happy” here on this Earth. As the song says, “This is not our home, I’m just-a passin’ through”.
    3) What you all are really grappling with is your understanding of the situation, the past and the present and future. None of it makes sense considering a loving God, who is supposedly “for” us. That’s totally understandable. The article mentions Joseph, Lazarus and even Jesus. But they forgot the most important one: The Blind Man who was born blind from birth (John 9). Here is someone I think we can identify with. He didn’t do anything wrong. He was born that way. We, too, were born into some difficult circumstances. God didn’t just say, “Tag, You’re it!” and place us with families who broke us.
    4) Who has Authority/Control? We often talk about how God’s plan will ultimately come to pass. Then we assign the control of the Universe and all things in it to Him. But it doesn’t work that way. If it did, then Satan would be doing the direct will of God. This would also apply to those who hurt us. God directed them to hurt us. But that doesn’t sound right to me. So the way I look at is that God gives freedom to each of us to do what we want in a certain confined area. For example, at the Tower of Babel, God knew He would have to curtail some of that freedom so He caused everyone to have different languages. He did the same when He limited our lives span to 120 years. So I draw a little sphere around each person. God doesn’t penetrate that sphere unless He absolutely has to. In the case of Balaam, He did. He made the words come out opposite of what he wanted to say, interfering with his will.
    So now you have a sphere around each person. We can make that sphere grow or shrink it. I call them Boundaries. Some someone hurts us, they have extended their sphere around us. This is never what God intended. It’s called control. The only control anyone really has is over themselves. But this idea that people should control others is evil in action. We have all been through too much. Our job, as I see it, is to remember who it was who hurt us and attempt to identify that type of person and never trust that type of person again….to never extend our control over others or allow others to extend their control over us…to realize that we have suffered not because we did something wrong, but because they did. Blame them. Then you can work to forgive them…but never, ever reconcile with them. They are toxic to you.

    This life sucks!! But we are here. Heb 10 – Preserver, Don’t give up. You won’t be happy. Joy comes and goes like waves so don’t expect to be joyful all the time. “Choosing joy” is about lowering expectations until you learn to expect nothing and just live in the moment. Difficult, at best.

    5) Finally and most importantly: The OT is not the NT. Don’t expect the same wrath/reward as in the OT. Jesus never mentions it. Hope requires strength. Sometimes you have to let go of hope, for a little while. That’s OK too. Alway feel free to doubt. It’s not a sin. The problem is when you stop fighting for your faith, stop wrestling with God. But even then, know that let God do His thing and you do the best you can. Always question God. “Why have you forsaken me?” is a question. Ask those questions. Allow yourself to be frustrated with God. I have even said on Facebook, “I HATE GOD!” Why? Because I love Him, but I don’t understand. Isn’t that what children say to their parents? They need their parents, but they just don’t understand.

    Love to all, my fellow suffers.

    Nathan Z. Solomon

    September 26, 2015 at 8:41 pm

  8. Anyway I can get my comments remove (Nathan Solomon or Nathan Z. Solomon)? My depression is overtaking me and I really don’t want to be seen or heard by anyone. All that I’ve said is true. But just because it’s true doesn’t make it any easier. Life sucks and though God is with me, He’s not doing anything I can see and I feel worthless, hated, ostracized, broken. I have no money to see my Psychiatrist or my counselor. All my prayers have done nothing that I know of.

    “Father God! Please make me non-existent! I’m so done with life!”

    Nathan Z. Solomon

    May 7, 2016 at 5:10 pm

    • We love you … but more importantly, God loves you. But God has been trying to break down your pride and you continue to reel. God cannot move in your life as long as YOU are in the way. You must start by doing away with this fairytale reality that you have created. I believe you have told these stories so many times that you now believe them to be reality. When you tell stories of childhood abuse, abuses by other family members and abuses by co-workers … although by this time I am sure you believe they are true … you are actually believing a lie. I say this not to hurt you, but to help. As odd as that may sound, I only want to see healing in your life and I am confident that cannot happen as long as you persist in dishonoring your parents, carrying hatred for your family and being unloving to your fellow man. Whether true or untrue, anyone reading your posts can clearly see the anger, hatred and jealousy coupled with zero forgiveness. In Mark 11:25 Jesus says, “And whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses.” How can God move in your life if you are failing to forgive others for what you perceive to be true?

      Point 1 – Your father was not abusive to you in any fashion, and certainly not as a “baby.” Anyone who reads these tales of abuse should wonder how you could possibly remember events that transpired in infancy. It is simply not possible and more importantly, it did not happen. Culturally, you are the first born male in a middle-eastern family … just by birth order you were infallible. In addition, you were the perfect child. You did not “cry too much” nor were you ever disobedient. You are remembered as the son who excelled at everything and never did wrong. Proverbs 20:20 says, “If one curses his father or his mother, his lamp will be put out in utter darkness.” You cannot ever expect peace or comfort in your own mind if you continue to harbor hatred toward your parents.

      Point 2 – Your brother never took advantage of you … used you … stole anything from you … or was trying to control you. Much like your parents, your brother adored you. He aspired to be like you. And even today, wants to help you in any way possible. 1 John 2: 9-11 says, “Whoever says he is in the light and hates his brother is still in darkness. Whoever loves his brother abides in the light, and in him there is no cause for stumbling. But whoever hates his brother is in the darkness and walks in the darkness, and does not know where he is going, because the darkness has blinded his eyes.” In addition, in Matthew 5:23-24, we are reminded, “So if you are presenting a sacrifice at the altar in the Temple and you suddenly remember that someone has something against you, leave your sacrifice there at the altar. Go and be reconciled to that person. Then come and offer your sacrifice to God.” In other words, as long as you persist in hating your brother, God cannot work in your life. And, if you truly believe your brother wronged you in some way, burden is on you to seek reconciliation.

      Point 3 – Your co-worker did not “sexually abuse” you. The reality is that you started to have feelings for her and she spurned your attention. You are a married man … she was in a committed relationship … why would she act any differently?

      Now that these “realities” are in view, I stress again I do not want to hurt you. I truly believe that your depression will only worsen if you do not work with what is “real”. I love you … your Mother loves you … your brother loves you. It hurts us every day to see you suffering and we pray for your comfort daily. You say “God is not doing anything that I can see ….” He really is doing something, but not what YOU want. He is trying to move YOU out of the way so he can work in your life. God loves you too much to leave you in the life you have been living. As a child of God, He will fervently admonish you until you submit and seek forgiveness … and forgive others in love. (Hebrews 12:6 “For the LORD disciplines those he loves, and he punishes each one he accepts as his child.” / Proverbs 3:12 “For the LORD corrects those he loves, just as a father corrects a child in whom he delights.” / Revelations 3:19 “Those whom I love, I reprove and discipline; therefore be zealous and repent.”)

      You are not alone … we have never left. If we can help in anyway please reach out to us. We love you as Jesus loves you – Your family.

      Cindy Solomon

      May 30, 2016 at 9:56 am

      • You are entitled to your OPINIONS of what transpired and HE is entitled to his feelings towards what Happened to him in those various situations. I myself feel I have been wronged by my ex and my ex views things totally different. IT does not make it a lie because My feelings differ from how my ex views it.I don’t even think this is the place for you to put up this against him anyways. This should have been done in private.

        brittnybliss

        May 30, 2016 at 8:44 pm

      • I think it’s interesting how you seem to “know” my husband so well but you do not take into account that you, and his family, have not been a part of his life for more than 15 years! You also do not know what happened to him as a child and through his growing up years, but yet you write as though you lived it with him. And for you to comment about his co-worker, you truly know NOTHING about that situation! You act as if you knew this co-worker but you did NOT! You say she was in a committed relationship. Did you know that it was with a MARRIED MAN who had children of his own!? And that she tried to have relationships with other men she was working with?

        I think you, and your family, need a “Reality” check. I certainly hope that you NEVER have to deal with anyone who is majorly depressed and has suicidal ideations, because I believe they probably would go through with the act of suicide because of your foolishness. Also, how can you say that you all love him when you have not even tried to contact him in any way, except through this public blog. Please, do not make any more comments or try to reach out in any way now. Just leave us alone.

        Karen Solomon

        May 30, 2016 at 9:49 pm

  9. Karen … we DO love him … as we do love you. You are mistaken though about the “15 years”. We have tried to have a relationship and it was exclusively by his and your choosing to alienate the family for whatever reason. It was so great, the 2 weeks in 2011 we got to spend with Nathan after Dad’s passing. We had hope that a corner had been turned and our family was being repaired. There is nothing I would love more than to have a relationship with all of you … AND to help you “deal with someone majorly depressed.” I do not know how you are handling this alone. Additionally, I believe that Nathan needs to repair the broken relationships to begin the healing process. Nevertheless … if you truly feel that contact with us will do more harm than good I will certainly not make contact again. Know that we pray for you and for Nathan daily and that we are always available should you need us.

    Cindy Solomon

    June 20, 2016 at 6:27 am

  10. If God loves me so much, can He love me a little less please?! I’ll gladly do without and He can go love someone else a little more. I think I’ll survive with less pain and less tragedy.

    Yeah, you probably figured out I don’t think much of God’s “love”. A good God does NOT allow the amount of suffering some people go through. There is NO justification, NO great purpose, just massive suffering while others prosper beyond anything anyone could have imagined. He doesn’t play favorites? Of course He does, EVERY day!

    Jeffrey Scott

    March 9, 2018 at 2:30 pm


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